One of the saddest and most hil- NO BITCH, the sad thing here is the fact that you're a stripper. If you want respect, maybe you should've graduated high school. 😂😂 when did stripping become a legitimate career?




Awww, you tried so hard, but unfortunately I can’t hear you over the sound of my debt-free college degree and massive disposable income.

Slayyyy girl!


He didn’t fuck it up! Mostly!

My hair is stupid, so if it’s cut too short, it sticks straight out, which I didn’t warn him about, so one side looks dumb, but I can work past that because he made my cowlick on the other side his bitch. Well, the pomade he used did. It smells fantastic and looks like sparkly jizz. So I bought a can.

In other news, I still haven’t eaten. SOMEONE GO EAT WITH ME.


i had a dream last night that i was working at starbucks and steve rogers walked in and ordered an iced americano and i said “one iced americano for the iced americano" and then i woke myself up by laughing too hard at my own joke

Reblog / posted 21 hours ago with 1 note

"It’s probably gonna be instagram pic’d right?"

Did I just hear that? Is that a real thing a barber just said to someone?


Getting a haircut at a new place is the most stressful thing.

Also I’m hungry and I still have to wait a while until it’s my turn.

Getting a haircut at a new place is the most stressful thing.



I wonder who is going to replace Jenna Coleman since she’s not returning to Doctor Who after this series.

A slim white female in her 20s whose casting is based mostly on how attractive Steven Moffat finds her. Next question.


8/15 - Las Vegas, NV @ Cosmopolitan #MONUMENTOUR #summerofmusic #jager